Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The First Day of the Rest of My LIfe

Good morning! It is my 51st Birthday today. This has been a "heart-wrenching" year, har har, and I wasn't entirely sure I'd be celebrating this birthday here on earth. So I'm kind of delighted today, and I feel like I'm putting the past year's health problems behind me, ready to move forward and get myself healthy and well.

I haven't been doing a lot of writing, instead concentrating on building up my strength and trying to wean myself off the essential naps of recovery, but stories and articles are beginning to flood my thoughts once again and soon I will begin writing them down.

I had a wonderful dream last night, so I'll close with that for the time being. I dreamed that my step-father invented another one of his delightful toys, like the stilts he built for me when I was young. In the dream, he'd taken a fuzzy bedroom slipper and attached one of those Magic Mover discs that they use to glide furniture across the floor. The slipper then worked like a skateboard, and I spent the evening zooming and zipping around inside an old apartment building, with concrete walkways, tile and terrazo floors and staircases up and down - I had so much fun, and woke up grinning and exhilarated. A great way to start the first day of the rest of my life!

Here's a picture of my stilts

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving! Here Are Some Funnies For You

 Happy Thanksgiving to all my blog friends! I will post the sestina directions another time. For now I want to share some funnies about kids someone sent me. Kind of oldies but goodies, hope you enjoy!


*I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

*My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

*On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

*A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

*A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

*POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

*POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

*ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

*DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

*SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

*BIBLE A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
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