Tuesday, March 17, 2009

You Might Be a Floridian If...

You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer,
not summer but really hot, and Christmas.

"Down South" means Key West

"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.

You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.

Flip-flops are everyday wear.

Shoes are for business meetings and church.

No, wait, flip flops are good for church too

Socks are only for bowling

Orange juice from concentrate makes you sick

Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida.

You measure distance in minutes.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in
five minutes

All the local festivals are named after a fruit. (Although we do have a Shrimp Festival, and I'm not sure Swamp Cabbage is a fruit...)

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,
but everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites

You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65

It's not "pop." It's "soda" or "coke."

Anything under 70 is chilly.

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the
best rides.

You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.

You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a
boat yourself.

You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the
NRA and a confederate flag.

You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.

You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas. (We actually ran the A/C once, trying to make it cold enough so we could have a fire in our fireplace).

You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important!

You could swim before you could read

You have to drive north to get to The South

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

You dread lovebug season.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

You know what a snowbird is and you hate them. (Well, that might be a bit harsh. We only hate the sheer volume of them clogging the roads!)

You know why flamingos are pink.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

You haven't seen snow.

Tornadoes/Tornado warnings don't scare you, and you laugh when your friends from outside of Florida get scared by lightning.

You eat ice cream cones in the winter, because it's finally cool enough so that it won't melt instantly down your arm

You save your sweater for summer when everyone's A/C is so cold, you are freezing in their houses or cars

(Thank you to my youngest son for sending me this! My sons are true Crackers, not transplanted Hoosiers like me, and will never let me forget it...)


Cherdecor said...

What is the love bug?

Rosezilla said...

Oh, my gosh, a single love bug is just an innocuous little non-biting bug, but the reason they are called love bugs is because they are ALWAYS flying in pairs! And, ahem, because they are seriously wrapped up in each other and therefore distracted, they splat all over everything, like esp. your car and windshield. It is really, really hard to clean them off, and hard to see out the windshield too. it's gross! I don't know what possible good all their mating does, because they seem to all die horrible deaths, before any births could take place. Yet every year there are swarms of them!

nikkipolani said...

GREAT list, Tracie! You had me smiling at many of these and, predictably, scratching my head at a few others.... like why flamingos are pink or what the "stingray shuffle" is.

Rosezilla said...

Flamingos are pink because of all the shrimp (and other things) they eat that have a lot of carotene (like you'll turn somewhat orange if you eat tons of carrots).

The stingrays come up close to shore and bury themselves in the sand. If you step on one, you will get a very painful sting. If you shuffle your feet while you walk and wade, you'll likely startle any stingrays off.

Sassy Granny ... said...

What great fun! I found myself thinking this list could belong to we transplanted Arizonans too (all but that tornado thing ... you can KEEP those).

Thanks for the chuckle!


Rosezilla said...

Well, the only reason tornado warnings don't scare us is because we generally have such wimpy tornadoes here. But the lightning is the exact opposite. We are the lightning capital of the world, supposedly.

Merle said...

Dear Tracie ~~ Thank you for your sympathy on the loss of Gwen who is being laid to laid to rest today.

I am glad you liked the school answering machine message and I guess teachers would like it. And
poor Mrs. Smith was a funny one.
I enjoyed your post. Take care, Love, Merle.

Susan said...

Very interesting - and I can tell that I'm NOT a Floridian! (although I think the flip flops as everyday footwear is a trend that's covering the entire nation) :)

Islandsparrow said...

"You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a
boat yourself."

PEIslanders know that one too. Boats are great fun but way too much work and expense! But a friend with a boat? Worth gold!

I wonder how much of this list my daughter will have learned by the time she returns :)

Connie said...

Having spent A LOT of time in Florida...this list had me in stitches and some of it applies to SC as well. Thanks for the laugh!

daffy said...

I think all of my questions have been asked! :o)
I kind of wish I was a floridian! The sunshine! I'd even put up with the lovebugs! (I had an image of lots of Herbie type cars descending on you!)

rhymeswithplague said...

Very funny post, Tracie! I lived in Orlando for two years (where I met my wife) and in Boca Raton (in Palm Beach County) for six years before moving to the Atlanta area in 1975. My son lived in Clearwater for five years back in the nineties and has just moved back to Florida (Tampa area) again.

All that to say that I identified with many of your "You know you're a Floridian if" statements.

How quaint of you to say that lovebugs fly "in pairs"! More like "in flagrante delicto" I would say....

Do you have one of those screen thingys to cover the front of your car in May and September (high season for love bugs)???

Not only can I pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and Loxahatchee, I've been to all of them.

You made me laugh several times today. Keep up the good work!

Aimee said...

Having grown up in south Texas I related to many of these things too! We are wearing shorts in all of our Christmas pictures!

We were just in florida a couple of weeks ago. The weather was beautiful when we were there. We met another couple who were from Florida and they were complaining that they actually had a winter this year! They seemed rather offended that mother nature dared to send them freezing temperatures! It was funny!

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I enjoyed this. I've been to Florida often enough to relate to several. And yeah, Publix is great.

Lavinia said...

No alligators walking through my neighbourhood, LOL! THanks for expanding my understanding of life in Florida, and now I know a little more about my FLoridian bloggers...

jenniferw said...

Girl, you have reminded me of why I hated the growing-up years I spent living in Fort Lauderdale! For good or bad though, about one-third of those items sound just like South Carolina!

I whiled away a large part of my very-young childhood camping at Lake Okeechobee ...

Beverlydru said...

This is hilarious!! I laughed even harder at the first comment- obviously not from a Floridian. I moved up north- now I'm in the Panhandle!! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll be back.

Greg C said...

Your relatives come down just to swim on Christmas day. I remember that happening.

I agree with Beverly but I take it a step further. You know you are a Flroidian when you know what a love bug tastes like. :)

How about if you ever rode your bike behind the mosqueto fogger at night. I think that gave me dame brammage.

Great post.

Nicole said...

I was 15 before i met anyone who couldn't swim, and then only on facebook (and he doesn't live in Florida)!

Related Posts with Thumbnails